I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
