whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
