I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
