Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
