i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
