We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
