carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
