you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
