I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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