Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
