boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
