Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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