Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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