Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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