i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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