Sponge bath it is.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
