I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
