p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
