Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
