You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize