Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
