mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
