It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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