absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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