I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
