i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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