we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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