Reggie can tackle my bush.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
