If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
