lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
