Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
