I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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