Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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