you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
