i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
