Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
