I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
