Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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