Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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