yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
