I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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