I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
