I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
