Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
