My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
COCAINE IS GR8
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
