i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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