Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
