i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
