I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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