Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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