Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
