it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
