Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
