He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
