My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
