lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
