Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
