I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I smell like Dick and happiness
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
