You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Pants are for mortals
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
