My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
