I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
