You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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