cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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