That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
