I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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