I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
