When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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