im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
