also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
