So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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