I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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