I bet he comes in French.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize