Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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