Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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