i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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